top of page

You’re confusing male dominance with masculine leadership.

For the longest, I thought I had a BDSM kink, with a desire to be brutally dominated and humiliated. The more hardcore the better, face fucking, golden showers, smacks to the face. I loved to surrender that control to my dominant sex partner. Those moments made me feel weak, submissive, and totally out of control. Feelings that I yearned for being in my masculine bag for the majority of my life. It’s always a pleasure to relinquish that control. I was talking to a new friend, also a past “dominant sex partner.” He was dominant in the bedroom. During sex I remember him saying something to the effect of “I own you, you belong to me” those may or may not have been his exact words but I remember the feeling my body felt when he said them. It didn’t make me feel good! I didn't give a damn how dominant and “masculine” he was, nobody owns me! I’m not property. I felt like cattle at that moment, that could be off and sold at any time if I became worthless to my owner. Not only did I not like the ownership feeling, but I also hated the temporary satisfaction. Yes, I was relinquishing control throughout the sex session, but as soon as it ended I was back to my normal masculine self.

After our session we discussed how it went, I told him I enjoyed everything besides him telling me he owned me. He chuckled and said, “Nikki is so complicated, so I can smack you, call you a bitch, ext. but I dare not own you... Got it.” He was being sarcastic because he didn’t understand how I could take all the other dehumanization but not want to be owned. But then I had to go back and think about the entire session, and our conversations. It was all very demeaning to myself as a woman, none of it made me feel good.

I learned that it’s not the dominant dehumanization my soul truly wants. That's just the only way I knew how to bring what I truly wanted to fruition based on my knowledge at the time. Now that I’ve gained a bit more wisdom I can transmute that energy with the understanding that I crave masculine leadership and guidance. Not in a demeaning/dominant way, but in a very subtle, gentle, and nurturing way. MEN DO HAVE A NURTURING SIDE!!! The most high has sent me a few spirits along the way that have shown this to be true.

I was also brought to this lesson throughout my marriage. My husband began the relationship very emotionless, and quick in the bedroom. I related his actions to what I thought was giving masculine energy. At 24 years old (7 years ago when we first met), to see a man not cry, and stay strong all the time was sexy because I thought that's how a man should act! It didn't take long for me to see that my husband could not be emotionally available EVER. Not for himself, or for me. With emotional unavailability comes the lack of romance, rushing in the bedroom (orgasm focused), and he didn't do sweet gestures like caressing my face and staring in my eyes like I'm a Goddess. He used me as an object to regain life force and to release any stress he may have had. Convenience is what I like to call it. Not only was he totally emotionless, but he also naturally relinquished ALL control over to me in our household. As you all know I work full time, so being the head of my household while also aligning with my bag has been a tall order. I have come to resent the man he is, because he is most definitely relishing in his feminine, and I STAY in my masculine all the time. This way of being could work if I were a masculine woman that desired a feminine man but that's not true for me. I'm a very masculine woman that desires to be more feminine and I believe with the right masculine leadership that side of me will come out effortlessly.

See most of us, manifest male partners that we have to mother. When it really should be the other way around. Many of us come from single-mother households and we saw our Moms in her masculine bag, providing and making a way for the family. We are used to getting shit done. Men see their mothers busting ass, so they seek out a partner that can do what their Mothers did. Cook for them, make their doctor's appointments, make the household decisions, and lay down at will with open legs. All while working a full-time job and mothering the kids.

When we leave our fathers the men that effortlessly guide, provide, and protect us, and are put in the hands of men that don’t even know how to SPEAK with dignity. They possess absolutely no faith, so they have no foundation to stand on to support their family. NO DIRECTION! Many of them aren’t financially stable ENOUGH to truly afford the feminine woman, so what happens is the woman becomes the masculine, leading, guiding, and making the household decisions. And the man gets to sit back and relish in his FEMINITY. I am also aware that many of us have DADDY ISSUES so we don't even know what a true masculine leader looks like. So we go out in the world labeling any man with real leadership skills as TOXIC MASCULINE, exploring by trial and error until the lessons are learned.

The issue here is that shit gets OLD. We become resentful and still long for that FATHER like figure. Rightfully so, “the feminine is designed to absorb the masculine programming.” We come empty waiting to be filled UP by the masculine. Yearning for masculine guidance and leadership. We want to surrender to our partners, trusting that he is capable of guiding our family in the correct direction. Not only do we long for masculine guidance but we also YEARN for, slow, intentional sex LED by our partners. See there is a difference between a man controlling the narrative in the bedroom, and him controlling and demeaning you. See, healed men can teach you how to sit still and just BE for a minute. Intentionally eye gazing, slowly caressing, running his fingers through your hair, massaging your feet. Healed men understand that WOMEN are POWERFUL, and they deserve to be worshipped and adorned in all aspects.

We crave that from our partners, healed men understand that penetration is not the end all be all of a sexual encounter, and ARE NOT orgasm driven. Their goal is to allow the sexual energy to build both them and their partners UP. Not to be drained and made tired. But this type of energy requires that a man has DONE THE WORK. He must be at a certain level In his spirituality to even understand that this type of living and loving exists. In my opinion, a man shouldn’t even pursue a woman until he is spiritually and financially stable. Period. Women are DANGEROUS. We build the nation, the least you, as a man can do, allow us to be in our feminine nature and absorb your masculine energy so we can use the polarity to build something GREAT.

But first, you must sit with yourself. In silence. Heal your traumas, find your purpose, and transcend all of the lower parts of yourself to be of true value and benefit to the feminine woman. And don’t get me wrong, ladies we MUST do our work as well. Because this masculine man that I’m envisioning and describing. HE won’t fuck with you vibrating on an “I wanna be dominated” level. He will see your level of maturity, and will be turned off by you! We all must continue to elevate our consciousness to become the highest version of ourselves in order to continue to create and manifest in higher dimensions. It's the season of accountability!!! You attract what you are, it's a hard pill to swallow but we do! So look in the mirror and DO YOUR WORK.




Smile & Give thanks

Post inspired by Davonte Sheard, my mentor, and coach. All air quotes are his words. Many thanks for his guidance and teachings.

Oh, and happy SUMMA TIME! My most favorite time of the year!

457 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page