Oh wow, I can't believe I have finally got to a place where I feel comfortable enough to share my life with you all once again. I've been on a 6 or so month hiatus, healing, grounding, shedding, you know... all the things. I am so happy to be at a place now where I feel so amazing in my body, so in love with my life, and so ready to pour all of that juicy goodness into my community. My conversation is much different than it once was, and there is a chance it won't resonate with many of you, and that's okay. I respect everyone's journeys, and their triggers. So if what I have to say makes your ears burn, or you simply do not agree with the way I view life, please feel free to unsubscribe to my emails. You should see a little button down at the bottom of this page, no hard feelings!
The last time I spoke with Yawll, I was leaving the studio. I left my beloved work of tantric massage in the past, and that was such a hard decision! I had to let it go because I couldn't control the sexual energy from igniting with almost every client. Most of my massage client's always wondered how I made each one of them feel like the only one. It was because I was honestly making love to each of you. I would almost always feel butterflies during my sessions, and I would almost always soil my panties. I was exchanging my potent life force energy with to many people. Even though there wasn't any penetration, you might as well say I was having sex with all of my clients. As soon as you feel the butterflies, that's the sexual energy igniting, waking up, and exchanging. That means, I was taking on all of your traumas, demons, problems and insecurities, and eventually that took a toll on me. That also means, you all were taking on my shit too. For that I am sorry, as I was practicing without much knowledge on how this energy worked. When I finally decided to give it up I was in one of the darkest places I'd ever been. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, and creating a new future seemed so far fetch.
I decided to get what is called a Sexual Alchemy coach. I figured if sex could traumatize me, there was a chance it could also be my healer. He taught me that we are made up of sexual energy, our entire beings are composed of sexual (life force) energy. Anytime we have casual sex (which starts at flirtation or butterflies) we are spilling our life force outside of us. When you become so depleted, you start to leach on to people, places, or things just to fill yourself up ,even if its temporary. I really grasped the concept at this point of my life. I had to look back at all the client's I had, all the casual sex I was having, all the pornography I was watching. I was spilling out my life force every day, and I was feeling it on a deep level. He gave me a list of things that I had to do in order to build that life force back up inside of me, so I could start living a more aligned life, and have the energy to create a new bright future. I applied all of his teachings, quickly.
That led me to needing to leave the United States. I left for Merida, Mexico on October 1st 2022. When I arrived there was a calming energy everywhere. Everything was slow paced, no one in a huge rush. It was time for me to take this thing all the way, and God was forcing solitude upon me. He forced me to go into a little cocoon, no friends, no family, no distractions and do the work. My days consists of yoga, meditation, grounding, journaling, some form of water therapy, hanging with the kiddo, and writing my first memoir titled, Sexually Addicted to Sexually Liberated (Coming Soon). I filed for divorce, I haven't had sex in over a year. I haven't been on any dates. I don't text or entertain men. I simply spend all of my time aligning with my highest and best self so I can become so attractive my divine masculine is led to me effortlessly. I've lost over 30 pounds, I eat 80% Raw fruits and Vegetables only, the other 15% consists of cooked alkaline meals, and 5% vegan junk food. I haven't consumed meat in over 9 months.
This last 6 months have been the best days of my life. I am so full of God's love I have no need to search for love or belonging outside of myself. I am grounded, secure and safe. I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for life, and my current reality. The truth is if I never was a tantric touch practitioner, AKA, sex worker, I would have never discovered this level of healing. I would have never hit rock bottom to the point of desperately needing change. I am grateful for my journey, I am grateful for my experiences, and I am now ready to pour this overflow into my community. If my story resonates with you in anyway, my mentorship and guidance may be for you. If you are tired of being drained by the temporary dopamine of casual sex partners, or maybe you are sick of the dead end jobs, or simply hate what you see in the mirror. It all starts internally. If you can fix your inner world you will see that radiate outwardly effortlessly. If you can commit to doing the work, your world can shift rapidly. Allow me to guide you.
Thank you to each of you who have supported me in anyway over the years. Thank you for rooting for me. I appreciate each of you. For those of you who prefer me naked, unaligned, and FUCKED (literally and figuratively) I send you my love. 💕
Check out some pics of me over the last 6 months.
If you're interested in mentorship, or retreats here in the Yucatan feel free to browse my website or reach out to me for questions. One love 💗